Rally The Troops!
Author: Stephanie Harvey
Rally the troops!
According to a study done at the University of Madison Wisconsin, autism caregivers experience similar levels of stress as combat soldiers. The full article is linked below:
https://www.disabilityscoop.com/2009/11/10/autism-moms-stress /6121/
This is a great article and rings true for me in so many areas, but towards the end of this article it states that: “On a day-to-day basis, the mothers in our study experience more stressful events and have less time for themselves compared to the average American mother,” says Leann Smith, a developmental psychologist at the University of Wisconsin-Madison who worked on the studies. “We need to find more ways to be supportive of families.”
After we found out that our son, Owen has autism, I went into machine mode. Making sure all appointments were met, schools were toured, and modified how our family was once used to living, for one that will accommodate autism. Pecs went up on the walls, swings went up in the living room, we fenced in the backyard, we did everything we could to make the house as safe and accessible as we could for our son. We quickly found that balancing the needs of our other children and autism is exhausting. Not to mention, there was little or no time for my husband or I to take for ourselves.
Asking for help is something I personally struggle with. I want to be able to do everything on my own, to be a rock, and the cheerleader, but in reality, I DO need help, and accepting it from those who offer is perhaps the best gift I could ever receive. After 11 years now I can be honest, I can't do this alone!
I’d like to share 3 of my memories where simple acts of kindness meant the world to me.
1. There was a day Owen was trying to get away from me because he did not want to go to a therapy appointment. He was fighting me the whole way into the building. Biting, scratching, hitting, and even though it was only 20 feet to the door, it felt like miles. Another mom saw my struggle, dropped her bags and ran to my side to help. My heart still swells at this memory, I needed help so badly, and she was there!
2. Going to the grocery can be a challenge. So, I made a sign to put on the front of my shopping cart. It is just a puzzle piece that says “Autism Awareness”. We have found that people are now much more accepting of some of the behaviors and sounds that might be coming from our way. A lady stopped me once to tell me that she loved that I had this sign, she engaged with Owen, and said “Good job Mama” It brought tears to my eyes, a simple affirmation and her acceptance made my whole day!
3. My last memory is from this past fall. Owen had his first episode of seizures. It was one of the most terrifying days of our lives. He was in the ped’s intensive care unit for 3 days. People reached out and asked immediately, what can we do? Food was brought to my kids who were at home, dinners were sent to my husband and I in the hospital, groceries were sent so that we wouldn't have to go anywhere when we got home, it filled us up with so much love to have these generous acts of kindness, but also we saw the joy it brought those who wanted to help and that we said yes!
I suppose what I am trying to get to with all this is that autism might be a daily battle, some day’s are better than others, but when help is needed we need to call and rely on those who have offered. We need to keep shouting out the words of encouragement to caregivers who look tired and spent, and run to help those parents in distress. Maybe most importantly, we need to take the time for self-care. Everyone deserves a break, and we will be better people/parents/caregivers when we are able to take some time for ourselves
Stephanie Harvey
